A Love/Hate Relationship

I do love my life, but I hate a lot of things lately.


I hate popping pills, and having people ask me personal health questions that I don’t want to answer.

I hate that everyone thinks any time they talk to me is another opportunity to give unsolicited medical advice.

I hate living up to other people’s expectations of what a healthy person should be.

I hate living up to other people’s expectations of what being sick is.

I hate never feeling good enough, quick enough, pretty enough, or just “enough”.

I hate the term “damaged goods”.

I hate that no matter how hard people try, (or don’t try) they will never know the loneliness of being in a crowded room knowing you are the only one who tells time by pills and energy.

I hate people who complain, “I need a nap”, “I need some caffeine, I have a headache”, “I have PMS cramps”, or even better… “I have a cold… I am DYYYYYING!”. These expressions need to be banned, because they do not adequately describe how you are feeling. (And I'm sorry if I don't sound sympathetic when you tell me about you "killer" back pain.)

I hate having to defend that I am a good daughter, sister, auntie or friend.

Most of all, I hate people who judge, and give me advice, or questioning stares of how I handle my diagnosis, or my life.

Basically I hate letting people see the effects of my disease. I don’t care if they know that I’m sick, I just don’t want them to have to see it, or deal with it.


God gives us only what we can handle, but sometimes I wonder if He confused me with someone else.


I'm not all hate-

I love my friends for loving me, even though I don't always deserve it.

I love having at least a few people in my life that try so hard to understand my disease and the way it affects me.

I love Aimee for massaging my sore, achy body when I need it most.

I love Nathalie and Nathan for giving me a bed that has made a world of a difference in the quality of sleep I get.

I love Candice, who always makes time to be my personal therapist.

I love Colleen and Camster for always welcoming me into their home when I need a break from... Life.

I love my Auntie Betty for her over-abundance of love and support.

I love my Peanut for keeping me company on the bathroom floor at 3am.

And I really love my mommy and my Johnny for fighting alongside me every single day.