"I am Tired"

I have had a particularly terrible week.

I am not feeling thankful right now. I do not feel like counting my blessings. I don't feel grateful. And if you try and point out any of those things, in my mental state, I am much more likely to punch you in the face than nod along in agreement.
My MS has taken me on a roller coaster ride lately. I've been caught off guard by symptoms and if I was to tell people about my MS that very second, they would think that I was completely unable to cope. But there are moments where I am truly feeling okay (comparatively) and when I talk about my MS at those times, it comes across as really no big deal, which is also far from accurate.
It takes a huge bite out of my confidence when I am unable to express myself in a way that makes me proud of myself. I have a really hard time communicating what is happening to me, especially if I am having a bad day. Like today. And yesterday.


"I am tired"

Saying the words "I am tired" isn't really accurate. That is because the words to describe exactly how I feel don't seem to exist. I could use all the metaphors to relate it to something you might have felt in the past (jet lag with a huge hang over), but really, they fall short. Attempts to put words together might come across to you as overly dramatic or exaggerated - And knowing that you thought that would only make me feel worse.
Let's put it like this: When I feel this way I am unable to think clearly. I am dizzy. I am nauseated. I cannot fake my way through this type of exhaustion.
I am telling you this because I want you to know about this aspect of multiple sclerosis, which, unfortunately is also a part of me. This will not last forever. I will have times when I feel normal again. I will be more functional. Until then, I need some acceptance. I know this is also frustrating for you. I have not forgotten about you.