It Is What It Is.

It has been said by many people that I am a very good actress. "But you don't look sick" seems to be all I hear. Is this a good thing? Most times I take it for the complement that it is, all the while smiling, knowing exactly what it doesn't mean. I "act" like a healthy person the best I can. I take on this role as if I will someday win an award for the best portrayal of a healthy person. The downside is that there is no trophy, there is no prize and I just end up alone with my feelings and everything I've kept inside. I act like I don't care- but I do. I act like I'm not scared- but I am.

The truth is, if I was to ask you to hang out with me- I know I would not be your first choice. I know I disappoint people. And despite the smile, I know I can be quite the downer. I am not saying this to gain sympathy. It is what it is.